All Grown Up
by BabyLezzie
Summary: The third installment of my MaureenJoanne parent fics... pretty much just them and the kids a few years after ARBAON. Rated M, for, well, read the first chapter and you'll figure it out.
1. Chapter 1

**Sooo... after I finished A Rose by Any Other Name, I had to keep going... lol. So I present to you All Grown Up! I think this is gonna be the last part to this little series, but I'm thinking of writing a part that goes in between What's in a Name? and A Rose by Any Other Name... this is so addicting! Anywho, I hope you all enjoy it, and please please PLEASE review!!!**

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"Mom!" Someone was banging on the door.

"MOM!"

I tried to roll over to get out of bed but realized that Maureen's arms were still wrapped around me. Tightly. Very tightly.

"MOM!" The banging on the door got louder. "Do you always have to lock the goddamn door?"

I wasn't sure exactly how I was going to get out of bed without waking Maureen. I could move her arms, but chances are that she would wake up from being moved. I decided that the only thing I could do was to slide out of her arms, and let me tell you, that's a lot easier said than done. I ended up falling off the end of the bed, and it didn't bother me. I picked up a t-shirt and some sweatpants and threw a blanket over the still sleeping Maureen before heading towards the door.

"What?" I asked, agitated, as I opened our bedroom door.

"Jesus Christ, I've been out here for almost ten minutes! What the hell is your problem?" Grace yelled at me.

"Excuse me, but what is _your_ problem, young lady? You do not talk to me like that," I said as I stepped into the hallway, pulling the bedroom door shut behind me. "What the hell is so important that you have to wake me up at 7am on a Saturday morning for?"

"I can't find my tap shoes."

"They're in the back of the hall closet."

"Thanks," she said as she kissed me on the cheek before running down the hall. "Stef and I are going to see a movie after rehearsal, so I should be home around 3. Bye!"

I turned around and went back into the bedroom. I crawled back into bed and snuggled up next to Maureen. She must have woken up while I was out in the hall, because as I curled up next to her she rolled over.

"Good morning Pookie," she said as she smiled and kissed me on the lips. "Is everything ok?"

"Everything's fine baby, I'm just a little tired. But since we're awake now…" I grinned at her and wrapped my arms around her neck, pulling her body closer to mine. She slid her hands up my shirt as I started kissing her neck, stopping only to let her pull my shirt over my head. I moved up to her mouth and parted her lips with my tongue as she slid her hands into the back of my sweatpants.

I slowly moved from her lips, down her neck, and looked up at her before sliding myself down her body and placing my mouth around her nipple.

"Mmmm Joanne," she moaned as she arched her back. I slid my hands down the sides of her body and rested them on her hips. She reached down and grabbed my hair and I felt a small vibration in her chest as I traced my tongue around her nipple every time she let out a moan.

I finished working her other nipple and began to make my way down her stomach, kissing her soft skin as I went. Her grip on my hair tightened as I slid my thumbs over her thighs and began to massage the inside of them. I knew what she wanted, and know that I was the only one who could give it to her gave me the power to make her wait as long as I wanted.

I continued to kiss her abdomen as I moved my thumbs closer and closer to her center. I slowly slid my mouth down to where my thumbs were and felt her shudder and my tongue grazed her clit. She was begging for more; I could tell by the way she pulled harder at my hair. I ran my fingers around her before sliding two in. I continued to rub my left hand on the inside of her thigh as I replaced my fingers with my tongue. I went in slowly, moving my tongue in circles as I went. I moved my tongue faster as I felt her arch her back more. She was about to come, and I knew that would only happen if I made it, so I decided to have some fun.

I pulled my tongue out and worked it over her clit again, only stopping to look up and give her a devilish grin. She looked down at me with her infamous pout on her face.

"Pookieeeee," she whined at me. I just looked up at her and smirked before putting my mouth around her clit and gently biting down on it. That seemed to satisfy her enough, because she arched her back again as she moaned. Slowly I moved my mouth back to her most sensitive area, and as I slid my tongue in I could taster her starting to come. I massaged her clit with my thumbs as I moved my tongue around faster. She wrapped her legs around my back and pulled me closer as she twisted her body from around, almost as if she couldn't handle what I was doing to her. She arched her back so much that I probably would've have been able to keep my tongue in her if she wasn't holding me against her with her legs. I worked my tongue faster and pushed deeper into her as I began to taste more of her in my mouth. She moaned and dug her feet harder into my back before I tasted her come as she collapsed back onto the bed.

I pulled my tongue out of her as she slid her legs off of my back. I moved up to her mouth and slid my tongue her lips. I kissed her hard as I pressed against her's, until she unexpectedly flipped me over so that she was now on top of me. She broke the kiss and grinned as she looked down in my eyes.

"I think it's time you got rewarded for all of your hard work." I opened my mouth to say something, but she put her finger over my lips to stop me. "Shhh. You just lay here and relax; you've done enough work already." As she talked to me she slid her knee in between my thighs and began to slide it up and down, occasionally applying pressure. I grinned. "You like?" she asked me, seductively. All that I could do was smile euphorically with her finger still pressed against my lips. Slowly, she slid her finger off of my lips and replaced it with her mouth.

"Mmmmm…" I arched my back into her as I moved my hands around to her back and pressed her body closer to mine.

As she kissed and sucked on my neck she slipped two of her fingers inside me, which cause me to whimper a little.

"Did I hurt you?" she asked as she looked up at me, concerned. I shook my head no. "Good." She gave me a devilish grin and unexpectedly thrust in two more fingers. It felt so good that I almost knocked us off the bed.

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**Like it? REVIEW PLEASE!!! As my previous readers know, I update more frequently if I get a lot of reviews... fyi. :-)**


	2. Chapter 2

**I AM SO SORRY IT TOOK ME THIS LONG TO UPDATE!!! REALLY! I have just been so busy with school that I haven't had anytime to type up the chapters! I have so many written, and I've even written a part to go between the first and second stories, but like I said, barely any time to type. Don't worry, I'm not discontinuing the story!!! **

**And please please PLEASE review!!! I live off reviews, and I update faster when I get reviews!!!**

**Also, I do not own RENT, Maureen, Joanne, etc. but I do own anything that has come out of Mo or Jo's vagina. :-)**

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Maureen and I were curled up on the couch watching TV when Grace came home.

"Hey Mom," she said as she walked through the door, followed by her girlfriend Stefanie. They took off their coats and Grace threw them in the closet with her stuff before coming over and sitting down at the end of the couch.

"I thought you two were going to a movie?" I asked as I pulled my legs back to give them some room at the end of the couch.

Stefanie sat at the end of the couch and rested her head on Grace's shoulder, and I smiled to myself at just how cute they were as Grace wrapped her arm around her and rested her chin on Stef's blonde hair.

"Hey, mom?" I looked up from the TV as Grace said my name.

"Hmm?"

"What are we doing for dinner tonight?" I noticed that Stefanie had fallen asleep on her shoulder, and as I looked down I saw that Maureen had curled up in my lap and fallen asleep, too.

"Nothing special, just leftovers, unless Maureen wants to cook something, which I highly doubt will happen." I looked down at the drama queen and readjusted my arms which were wrapped around her body. "Why?"

"Well, Stef and I just want to chill here tonight." She paused and looked at her sleeping girlfriend before turning back to me. "Would it be ok if she spent the night tonight?"

She had totally and completely caught me off-guard with that question. I knew it was going to come up sooner or later, but I was really hoping that it would never come up at all; I didn't know what I was supposed to say. "She can stay for dinner, but I'm going to have to talk to your mother about her spending the night."

"What, it's not like we're gonna have sex or anything." She paused and smirked at me. "Besides, it's not like we've never done it before."

"Ok, that's great, but I didn't need to know that last part," I said as I scrunched up my face. "But I still need to talk to your mother."

Grace groaned as she gently shook Stef to wake her up before leading her down the hall to her room.

"Keep your door open!" I shouted after them.

"Maureen, honey, wake up," I said as I shook her off of me.

"Hmmm?"

"You gotta get up, baby. It's 6:30." She sat up and pulled her hair back into a ponytail.

"Do I have to cook anything tonight?"

"No, baby. We're just having leftovers." I smoothed her hair back and kissed her on the forehead. "Oh yea, Grace wanted to know if Stefanie could spend the night, but I wanted to talk to you first because I didn't know what to say."

"Um, I don't know. Don't you usually make these decisions?" She stood up and fixed her shirt that had gotten messed up during her nap. "And either way, you know I'm gonna say yes."

"I thought about letting Stef stay," I said more to myself than to her as I stood up and walked into the kitchen. I opened up the refrigerator and pulled out some cold pizza. "Honestly, I don't think that they're going to do anything in the room next to us…" I pulled some more stuff out of the fridge and threw it on the counter. "Can you go see what the rest of the girls are doing and tell them that it's time for dinner? I'll go get Stef and Grace."

I left the kitchen and went down the hall to Grace's room. I knocked on her half-closed door as I pushed it open. Grace was sitting at her desk doing something on her laptop, and Stefanie was sprawled out on the bed flipping through a magazine.

"I thought I told you to keep your door open?" I asked as I leaned up against the door frame.

"I did," Grace responded, not looking away from the computer screen.

"Whatever," I said, standing back up. "By the way, we decided that Stef can stay the night." Grace turned away from what she was doing and looked over at me as I looked over at Stefanie. "Stef, just call your parents and let them know you're staying here, k?"

"My parents are in Michigan," she said as she put the magazine down.

"Yea, how do you think we've been able to fuck all week?" Grace said nonchalantly as she went back to what she was doing on the computer.

"Oh my god, Grace. I really did not want nor need to hear that," I complained as I put hand on my face. "Honestly, I don't care what you do sexually, I just don't want to see or hear about it." I crossed my arms over my chest. "Do you want to hear about what your mother and I do when you guys aren't home?"

Grace quickly looked up at me with a terrified look on her face. "Oh dear god, no."

"Good." I turned to go back out into the hallway. "Dinner's ready, so I expect you two to be out here in a few minutes."

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	3. Chapter 3

**WOOOO!!!** **I got another chapter up! **

**So, like always, I don't own any of the RENT people.**

**Don't forget to review!!!**

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I had to go into the office for a few hours the next morning, and I had left so early that everyone had been asleep, and I expected them to still be asleep when I got home. 

I got home around noon and had barely made it through the door before I was ambushed by Maureen.

"POOKIE!" she screamed excitedly as she threw herself at me and wrapped her legs around my waist and her arms around my neck. "ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodguesswhocalled? GUESS WHO CALLED!!!"

"God?" I guessed. She was so excited and her face was so lit up that I honestly thought that it was God.

"No, silly," she said. She poked my nose. "Guess again!"

I thought for a minute about who could have called that would make her excited, but couldn't come up with anyone. When I suddenly remembered the last time she was this excited, I almost fainted.

"Oh my god. Maureen, _please_ do not tell me that you are pregnant." I dropped her on the couch as I began freaking out. "There is no _way_ we can handle another kid! Don't you think that five is enough? Where would we put another baby? I don't want to move again. We JUST moved back into the city a few months ago! If we are ever going to have another kid, and hopefully we won't, now is the WORST time possible because I have that huge case coming up, and I don't think…"

"Joanne! Calm down!" She grabbed my arm and pulled me down onto the couch on top of her as she giggled. "Don't worry, I'm not pregnant."

"Then what the fuck is going on?" I had calmed down a little, but I was still freaking out because I hated not knowing what was going on.

"Well, you know how I had that off-Broadway audition a few months ago?" She slid out from under me and sat up. I nodded. "Well, they called me today…"

"OH MY GOD MAUREEN!" I screamed as I lunged and her and wrapped my arms around her. "You got the part?!?!"

"Yes!" she squealed and threw her arms around me.

"That is so great!" I pulled myself back and stood up. "I hate to have to ask this, but what show was it again?"

She stretched herself out on the couch and put her hands behind her head. She leaned her head back and gazed up dreamily at the ceiling. "The Vagina Monologues."

"The Vagina Monologues?"

"Yes, Pookie. You get to sit in the audience and watch me moan onstage."

"Why would I want to pay to watch you do something that I can get for free at home?"

"Because I'll be getting paid to do what I do best. Duh," she said as she rolled over and looked at me.

"Oh… ok. Too bad it's not something we can take the girls to see," I said as I turned around and started walking down the hallway.

"Yea, I guess." I turned my head and saw her roll onto her back and look up at the ceiling again. I was so proud of her that she had gotten this role; nobody else understood how much it meant to her.

I walked up to Grace's door and knocked on it before proceeding to open it. I looked in and saw her lounging in her window seat reading a book in sweatpants and an over-sized t-shirt. She looked up at me as I walked into her room.

"I need you to put on some semi-nice clothes because we're going out to dinner tonight; your mom got a part in the Vagina Monologues and we're going to celebrate."

"Ok."

I shut the door to her room and walked back to the living room. I curled up next to Maureen on the couch and watched TV with her for a few minutes while we waited for Grace to get ready. Once she was ready I went to go tell Kelly where we would be, and then we left the apartment to head down to the Life Café.


	4. Chapter 4

**hey hey hey! sorry it took me so long to update... I know it's been forever... and the fact that this chapter's really short doesn't help me too much, does it? Anyways, I think you all know the drill; I don't own RENT or Maureen or Joanne, but I do own anything and everything that came out of either Mo or Jo's vaginas :-)**

**lol**

**enjoy, and please review!!!  
remember how much faster I update when I get more reviews?  
:-)**

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"But Momma, I wanna go see Mommy's show!" Maddie pulled at my dress and stomped her feet as I tried to fasten my necklace. "It's not fair! I WANT TO GO!"

"No, Maddie. I already told you; I'm the only one that's going. The show isn't appropriate for any of you girls, not even Grace or Stefanie. Now shape up; you need to stop acting like you're 5, because you're not; you are 13 years old." I turned and picked up my Armani coat off the rack we kept in our room. Ever since I had gotten promoted and Maureen had taken up acting again, along with running her own dance studio, we were able to move back into the city in a penthouse that was big enough for all of us, while still having money left over.

"This is **SO** not fair," Maddie said as she stomped back to her room. I sighed as I slid my coat on and walked into the living room where Grace, Stef, and Kelly were watching TV.

"Ok guys, I'm going now. My cell's going to be off, but if there's an emergency then you can call the theatre or Stacy."

"Yea, yea, yea, we know. We've stayed home alone before," Kelly said as she waved me off with her hand. "Have fun."

"Maureen, you were so amazing!"

I grabbed her shoulders and kissed her passionately on the lips. Still holding onto her shoulders I pulled back and looking into her eyes. "Honeybear, you were more than amazing; you were extraordinary."

"You really think so? Or are you just saying that because you're obliged to?"

"No, I really mean it baby. Hurry up and go get your stuff; the reservations I made for us are in 20 minutes."

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a random teenage girl sprinted through the room naked screaming "I AM AIRI, HEAR ME ROAR!" I looked around to see if anyone else noticed, but if anyone had they obviously didn't care. It wasn't like I should've been surprised, though; they did cast Maureen, after all.

A few minutes later Maureen emerged from her dressing room as she finished up her good-byes for the night before bouncing over to me. I watched her curls bounce with her movement and thought about how much I loved it when she wore her down and curly. At that moment I couldn't resist reaching out and grabbing a curl, watching it spring back as I let go. She let out a little giggle and bounced again. "Ok, Pookie, I'm ready to go!"

I put my arm around her waist and hugged her close to me as we walked out of the theatre and towards the restaurant.

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"Maureen! Let go of me for a minute so I can unlock the door!" Maureen giggled as she nuzzled her face into my neck and stopped sucking my face long enough for me to unlock the door. We had had a little too much wine with dinner… especially Maureen.

We walked through the living room, past Grace and Stefanie who were curled up asleep on the couch and into our room, with Maureen sucking my neck the whole way. I kicked our door shut with my foot as I threw my purse onto the table the table and pulled off my stilettos, all while Maureen had me pressed against the wall, giving me what was probably my third hickey for that night.

I grabbed her shoulders and pushed her back onto the bed. I pressed my lips against her's and wrapped my arms around her back. She pushed me over so that we were both on our sides, facing each other, and pressed harder into the kiss. I wrapped my arms around her, enjoying having her so close to me, something that became rare once we had kids.

I broke the kiss and pulled back, just staring into her big brown eyes.

"I love you."

"I love you, too, Pookie."

I gave her one last kiss before holding her close against me, letting both of our minds drift off to dreamland.


	5. Chapter 5

**WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

**Aren't you guys proud of me?  
I updated again!!!**

**I love the summertime... I have lots and lots of time to update :-) I think I'm going to hold off on chapter 6 for awhile, though, because I wrote a MoJo oneshot that I want to put up today or tomorrow (hopefully).**

**Don't forget to review!!! They make me update faster!!!**

**And I don't own anyone, btw. **

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The next morning I woke up next to Maureen, both of us still in our dresses from the night before. After I got up and changed into a t-shirt and some sweats, I went to the kitchen and made some coffee. I was sitting on the couch watching CNN and drinking my coffee when I heard someone get up and go into one of the bathrooms down the hall.

A few minutes later Madison walked into the living room and sat down on the other end of the couch without saying anything. She had been really quiet and distant lately, something that was very unusual for her. Maureen and I figured that it was just part of becoming a teenage, so I decided to just let her be as we sat there and watched the news.

"Momma, can I talk to you?" She startled me when she broke the silence, causing me to jump and spill some of my coffee on my shirt.

"Sure honey. You know Mommy and I are always here if you need to talk about anything." I paused for a minute, starting to worry that something was wrong. "Is something wrong?" I asked her as I set my coffee mug on the table at the end of the couch.

She slid over and leaned up against me. I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and pulled her close to me, starting to get concerned.

"What's wrong Maddie?"

"I don't know…" She buried her face into my shoulder and didn't say anything for a few minutes. I wrapped my other arm around her and hugged her close to me in hopes of comforting her.

"When did you know for sure that you liked girls instead of boys?" Man did she have a talent for startling me. I looked down at her as she looked at me, a look of confusion in her big brown eyes.

"What do you mean, exactly?" I asked her as I sat up a little bit and turned to face her. "Do you think you might like girls?"

"I don't know… I mean, how did you and Mommy know, and how did Grace know? What makes you know for sure?" She looked at me, trying to get an answer, the look of confusion spreading over her whole face.

"Oh, Maddie," I said as I stroked her hair. "I don't think I can answer that question because it's something you have to figure out on your own. I remember when I was your age, I was confused, too, but I got through it somehow, and look at all the great things I ended up with… I have a beautiful wife and five beautiful daughters. Once you figure out how to keep it from stressing you out, things will get a lot easier, trust me. And there's no rule that says you have to figure this out now; you have the rest of your life to figure out who you love. Just always remember, Mommy and I will always love you, no matter what." I leaned over and kissed her on the forehead. "So," I said with a smirk, "is there any particular girl that's making you stress out so much?"

"We-ell…" she paused and gave me a little smile. "There's this girl in my theatre class… her name's Ella and she really really long jet black hair with a pink strand that goes all the way down the left side, and she's really tall- she's taller than me! And she has these amazing blue eyes… she's so beautiful."

I pulled my legs out from underneath me and crossed them so that I could face her completely. "Have you ever talked to her?"

"Yea, I have. She hangs out with Iz and I a lot, but I don't know if I want to tell her that I think I like her."

"Maybe you could invite her over sometime so we can all get to know her. As for telling her, I don't know what to tell you. I guess first you should try and figure out if you really do like her like that; just think it out first I guess. Be sure that you're sure. Mommy and I can't tell you what to do, but we're always here if you just need to talk about it. Ok?"

"Yea, I know" She smiled her signature smile. "Thanks," She said, giving me a hug. Our little mother-daughter moment ended right then, though, because I heard a big thud come from our bedroom that sounded like Maureen falling out of bed.

"Jesus Christ. I better go check on her." I tossed the remote at her as I stood up from the couch. "Here. I'm done with the TV."

"Maureen?" I looked around for her as I walked into the room. I shut the door and walked around the bed to find Maureen on the floor, groaning. "You ok Honeybear?"

"No."

I bent over and helped her stand up. "You want some Advil or something?"

"I wanna take a shower. And sleep." She wrapped her arms around me and collapsed against me with her head on my shoulder.

"Oh. Ok," I said as I stroked her hair. I led her to the bathroom and turned the shower on before helping her undress and into the shower. "Call me if you need anything, k?"

"Ok."

When I got back to the living room I found myself walking into the middle of an argument.

"Give it back! Momma said I could have it! Izzie!" Maddie screamed at Isabelle right before she lunged at her.

"Madison Lorraine Johnson-Jefferson, let go of your sister _now_. I swear, you two act like you're five half the time. Give the remote to me." I held my hand out, waiting for Isabelle to hand me the remote.

"But she's always getting to watch TV! It's not fair!"

"Give me the remote."

"No! It's not fair! You like her more just because she's a dyke like you and Mommy!"

"Isabelle Claire, give me that remote _now_. You do not disrespect your sister like that, and as for what you said about your mother and I, well, you just better be glad that she's not feeling too great right now. You just got yourself into a hell of a lot of trouble, young lady." She was gonna get it from Maureen. Anyone calling her a dyke, aside from me, was the one sole thing that set her off. "Go to your room. Now." I glared at her and watched as she walked to her room. "And give me the remote."

I crossed my arms over my chest and turned to face Madison. "And you, young lady. You know that violence is not tolerated in this family. Since Isabelle's already in your room, go to Grace's room. Now."

I collapsed on the couch as soon as she was gone. I closed my eyes and massaged my temples; I could feel a migraine coming on.

"Pookie? You ok?"

I opened my eyes and saw Maureen plop herself down at the other end of the couch. She pulled my legs into her lap and began to massage my feet.

"Oh, I'm just peachy. One of my daughters just told me that she's gay, then her sister called her a dyke before proceeding to call her mother and I dykes. Oh yea, did I mention the fight between them that I had to break up? Today is going just wonderfully." I dropped my head back down on the couch and closed my eyes as Maureen continued to massage my feet.

"Isabelle?"

"Yep," I answered without opening my eyes.

"She's in her room?"

"Yep."

"And what did Madison do?"

"Can we talk about this later? My head hurts."

"Ok Pookie. Whatever you want." She pushed my feet off of her lap and fit her body in between me and the back of the couch. I moved over a little to give her room and rolled over onto my side, facing away from her. She rested her head on my shoulder and wrapped her arms around my stomach

"I love you," she whispered into my ear.

"I love you too," I replied as I dozed off.

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**Btw... I love reviews ;-)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Woooo!!! Another update from me!!! haha. Ok, well here is Chapter 6... not too exciting after the last one, but I think you guys will still like it :-) I'm going out of town tomorrow and I probably won't be able to update again for at least two weeks, but hopefully I'll have some time to write while I'm away... I am doing absolutely nothing today, so I may find some time to type up chapter 7... yay!**

**And once again, I don't own Rent, Maureen, or Joanne. Jonathan Larson does, nor do I own the song that appears near the end.**

**Don't forget to review!!!!!**

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"Maddie wants to know when she can come out," Grace said, emerging from her room.

"Oh, you didn't hear? She already came out this morning."

"Maureen, stop it," I said as I hit her arm.

"What? It was funny," she said with a giggle.

"Tell her that she has to stay in there until dinner," I said, trying to ignore Maureen. "And don't say anything to her about coming out," I added as I glared at Maureen.

"Wait, she was serious? I thought she was just joking."

"Nope. Dead Serious." Maureen crossed her arms over her chest and smirked at me.

"Okay, whatever," Grace said as she went back to her room.

"What is your problem?" I asked Maureen as I turned and looked at her.

"What? It was funny, so I made a joke."

"Maureen, she's 13. I don't know about you, but when I was her age I didn't have anyone to help me figure out my feelings. I'd really appreciate it if you could try and be supportive of her. The last thing that we need is for her to end up like I did…" As I trailed off I began to rub my left forearm.

"Jo, stop it," she said as she grabbed my right arm. "You know that wasn't your fault; you were sick, but now you're better, and I know you too well to know that you're not going to let that happen to our girls." She paused and stared into my eyes. "Jo, look how you ended up. Look at how successful you've become, baby. Believe it or not, the girls look up to you. Hell, even I look up to you. You're such an amazing wife, mother, and lawyer, even if you don't always feel like you are. I couldn't ask for a more amazing woman in my life, and sometimes I wonder what I ever did to deserve you. I love you, Joanne. I love you more than you could ever know."

I looked at her face and tried to stay calm as I read her facial expression, but I couldn't. The tears spilled out of my eyes and ran down my face.

"Oh, Joey," she said as she pulled me into a hug. "It'll be ok, I promise." She rubbed my back as I cried into her shoulder. She continued to hold me and comfort me as I cried. Once I was able to stop crying, I sat up and looked at her, my eyes red and puffy from crying.

"I'm such a bad mother." I paused and wiped the tears off of my cheeks. "I'm never home and when I am I'm always working on something. I feel like I hardly know any of my daughters… I'm never home at night to help them with their homework, or to even know what homework they have. You're always the one that drives them to ballet and gymnastics, or whatever other activities they're doing now. I always swore to myself that I wouldn't become my mother, but look at me… I'm just like her."

"Joanne, stop it. Stop saying that shit. You're a lawyer, of course you're going to be busy, and the girls and I understand that. They all adore you and we are all so proud of you; honest. They love bragging about you to anyone who will listen. Last year Grace had to do a project about someone who inspired her; I thought she was going to write about me, but instead she chose you. She tried to throw it out later so that I wouldn't see it, but she doesn't know that I have it hidden in our room. And I don't ever want to hear you say that you're a bad mother just because you're never around because you know that's not true. Just look at what happened this morning- Madison came to you for advice. Face it Joanne, the girls adore you whether you think so or not."

She leaned forward and kissed me on the lips before pulling back and looking at me, obviously still concerned. "Whenever you're ready to talk about what happened, I'm here. I love you Joanne, and I can't stand to see you hurting… I just want to be able to understand everything you went through." She looked straight into my eyes as she talked. I knew exactly what she was talking about, and I knew that I was ready to tell her… I had to.

Later that night, after all of the girls were in bed, I walked into our bedroom where Maureen was sitting up in bed, reading a book. She looked up and smiled at me as I sat down on the bed next to her and then went back to her book. I played with the edge of our comforter for a few minutes before I decided to speak.

"Reenie?"

"Hmmm?" She looked up from her book and turned towards me.

"I'm ready." I continued looking down as I fiddled with the edge of the comforter.

"And I'm ready to listen," she said as she marked her place in her book and put it on her nightstand. She sat up and crossed her legs, facing towards me. I looked up at her and into her eyes, thinking about where I should start.

"God. I don't even know where to begin." I wiped my hand across my cheeks as I began to feel tears spilling from my eyes.

"It's ok baby. Just take your time." She reached out her hands and placed them on my shoulders and squeezed them. "Just start whenever you're ready."

I wiped the tears off of my cheeks and looked at her. She was so beautiful, so amazing, so much more than I deserved, yet she was mine. She chose me, and had stuck with me through the good and the bad. She loved me, and she deserved to know what had happened.

"I just… I just don't know where to begin, I guess." I sniffled and I wiped some more tears from my cheeks. "You know about the scars, the cutting. You know about all my problems with my mom… and then about all the time I spent in therapy. Really now that I think about it, there's not much else to tell… I've made myself forget a lot of it and just put it all in the past… It's over I guess, and I don't want it interfering with my life and all the good things I have now, you know?" I looked up at her, and as I did she reached out and wiped away a tear from my cheek.

She pulled me into a hug and held my head against her chest as I began to cry silently.

"When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears, when you screamed I'd fight away all of your fears, and I've held your hand through all of these years, and you still have… all of me." She kissed the top of my head and began to slowly rock me back and forth, the way we used to do with the girls when they were younger.

I began sobbing as she finished reciting that phrase. Evanescence. Maureen had gotten me into them back when we were dating by dragging me to two concerts in NYC, their performance on the Tonight Show, and even to a concert in DC before I finally gave in and admitted to liking them.

Their music was so fitting for everything I'd been through, and I knew that Maureen thought so, too, even though she had never said so. My Immortal was our song; the song we'd sing to each other whenever times were rough and things weren't going so great.

"I promise everything is going to be ok, Joey, because I love you."

She held onto me as she slowly laid down. I snuggled into her and wrapped my arms around her, knowing I was safe with her as I let myself fall asleep.

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